Anniversary Disaster
by ravengal
Summary: [One-shot] In the episode Birthday Wish, Cosmo spilled the beans about pretending to be in a coma to get out of his 793rd anniversary. What happened on that fateful day?


"Aw, man!" ten-year-old Timmy Turner growled, while kicking the side of his bed.

"What's the matter, sport?" his fairy godmother, Wanda Radcliffe, asked.

"Vicky and Tootie Masterson are coming over later!" he shouted, fuming. "Vicky is my heartless, sixteen-year-old, psychopathic babysitter and Tootie is my lovesick, ten-year-old, obsessive stalker!"

"That whole family's crazy!" his fairy godfather, Cosmo Radcliffe, shouted happily.

"Wanda," Timmy growled, "I wish you'd tell me something that would take my mind off the upcoming screwball sisters!"

"Well..." Wanda began. "How about I tell you the story of our 793rd anniversary?"

"You mean the one where Cosmo pretended to be in a coma?" Timmy asked, no longer fuming.

"That's the one!" Cosmo said.

"I even believed it for a short period of time!" Wanda growled, glaring at her husband.

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(9102 years ago)

"Tomorrow's the big day, Cosmo," Wanda told her husband cheerfully, though she _was_ rather tired.

"Uh huh," Cosmo agreed, not really listening. He was drawing pictures on the stone walls with his ten-year-old tomboy goddaughter. (It was, after all, the Stone Age.)

"Can you say Karen?" Cosmo asked her slowly.

"Uhruh," the girl answered.

They had decided to call her Karen Hawkins, as she didn't have a proper name of her own. They were extremely advanced magical creatures who could speak perfect English. She, on the other hand, couldn't. She and every other human spoke with grunts, but Cosmo and Wanda, unfortunately, couldn't understand grunts.

"Can't we just grant her the gift of speech?" Cosmo whined. It was hard work looking after a child that couldn't talk.

"No, Cosmo!" Wanda growled, tired and cranky from working over-time. "I've told you time and time again, it's against Da Rules to mess up the future!"

"What if she wished for it?" Cosmo asked, grinning.

"She can't because she can't talk!" Wanda said through gritted teeth.

It was almost impossible for them to grant Karen wishes, so they had to rely on guesswork. If, for example, it was a particularly cold night in the cave and Karen shivered, they had to guess that, if she could talk, she'd wish for a thick, warm blanket. This sort of thing meant extra work and less sleep for Cosmo and Wanda.

(The next day)

"Happy anniversary, Cosmo!" Wanda shouted happily, even though she was exhausted after yet another day of failing to teach Karen English.

"What was that, Wanda?" Cosmo asked absentmindedly. He was writing "C.R. loves W.R." in a love heart on the wall.

"I said happy anniversary, Cosmo," Wanda said, presenting a giant glass kangaroo. "It's our 793rd, which is the Glass Statue Anniversary!"

Cosmo's face turned pale. He had forgotten his own anniversary. His small brain worked hard... so hard that it almost blew a fuse! Then, amazingly, he had an idea.

"Happy anniversary, Wanda!" he said back. "I got you a glass statue too, but I left it outside. Wait here, while I go get it!"

He flew outside and, once he was out of sight, he screamed and dropped backwards onto the floor. When Wanda heard the noise, she flew outside and as soon as she saw Cosmo, she screamed.

"Oh no! Karen, I'm going to have to leave you on your own for a while!" she shouted to her goddaughter, who was staring in awe at the glass kangaroo.

With that, Wanda poofed herself and Cosmo off to Fairy World Hospital.

"Dr. Studwell!" she called out when she got there. "Dr. Studwell!"

A square-jawed, narrow-eyed fairy doctor suddenly floated into the room.

"Call me Dr. _Rip_ Studwell." he said, flashing his pearly-white teeth.

"Okay, Dr. **_Rip_** Studwell!" Wanda said, fuming. This was an emergency.

"Yes?" he asked. "What can I do for you?"

"It's my husband!" she told him. "Something's wrong with him!"

"Let me take a look," he replied.

Dr. Rip Studwell took one look at Cosmo, then looked up at Wanda.

"Yep. He's in a coma," he said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a tee, a golf club and a very pretty nurse."

He poofed away without another word. Wanda looked at Cosmo, feeling worried, when she saw something strange. A grin flickered across Cosmo's face before it vanished again. Wanda frowned.

_So that's it, is it?_ she thought. _Cosmo forgot our anniversary and pretended to be in a coma to get out of it!_

Then she smirked, deciding to play along with it until he decided to wake up again.

_I'll get him back for this, _she thought, grinning wickedly, planning to "accidentally" drop her glass kangaroo statue on his head.

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(Present)

"Wow..." Timmy breathed. "I wouldn't have thought Cosmo would be smart enough to think of something like that, even though he could've easily _poofed up _a glass statue..."

"Yeah, well, he can accomplish the most surprising of tasks if he really puts his mind to it," Wanda replied. _Despite the stupidity mixed in with the genius..._

"Who can?" Cosmo asked, since his attention span had worn off long ago. "Phillip the nickel? She's a girl, you know, so don't refer to her as a _he_ or you'll hurt her feelings. She can be quite sensitive."

Wanda rolled her eyes to the ceiling, while Timmy bit his lip to restrain a laugh. Unfortunately though, his buckteeth drew blood, which caused him to cease.

"TIMMY!" a shrill, giddy voice screamed outside the window.

"TWERP!" a cold, malevolent voice screamed at the same time.

"Oh no!" Timmy groaned, gripping his brown locks very tightly. "It's Vicky and Tootie, the girls of my nightmares!"

"Oh, come on, Timmy," Wanda said softly, "Tootie's not _that_ bad, is she?"

"No, but Vicky is!" Cosmo chirped, pulling a nickel from his pocket. "Don't you agree, Phillip? I thought so."

"Well..." Timmy replied, letting go of his hair and thinking hard. "Okay, maybe not Tootie, although she _is_ really creepy with her Timmy shrine. If she stopped obsessing over me, then maybe, just maybe, I'd give her a chance. I mean, when you look at her, she isn't that bad looking, but she still freaks me out."

"See?" Wanda said, smiling. "I think you two would make a great couple, married with, oh, I don't know, twins?"

"Ha! Yeah right!" Timmy retorted, laughing. "In Tootie's dreams!"

That's what _he_ thinks...


End file.
